The Adventures of Grandpa
by finick01
Summary: A humorous collection of stories about Yu-gi-oh's most ignored, yet most hilarious character: Grandpa! Story 2: Grandpa goes shopping!
1. Grandpa v The Birds

_Okay! This is called the "Grandpa Saga" and is going to be a collection of stories about...Grandpa, the most ignored, yet most hilarious (and disturbing) character of Yu-gi-oh! Read on for story 1!  
  
Disclaimer: I neither own nor want to own Yu-gi-oh!...just be happy about the story...on we go!_  
  
**The Adventures of Grandpa  
Grandpa v. The Birds**  
  
It was a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l spring day in the city of Domino. The sky was blue...the sun was bright...the birds were singing in the window above Kaiba's office...  
  
"Stupid birds!!!!" Kaiba grumbled to himself as he continued to work on another duel monsters upgrade.  
  
_In the Game Shop..._  
  
Grandpa was sweeping his shop... as always.  
  
"Why doesn't Yugi ever help me with this kind of thing?" Grandpa wondered out loud, "Doesn't he care that I'm an old man with a bad back?!"  
  
A multitude of birds had settled in the tree in front of Grandpa's shop. They chirped loudly as they watched Grandpa through the window...everything was JUST right...  
  
"I've found a perfect place for a nesting spot...what do you think? That hideous orange bandana could be useful..." said the male bird to his mate.  
  
"Yes it IS hideous!" the female agreed, "but it will have to do..." All the other birds agreed that the shop would make a perfect nesting ground. They waited until Grandpa's back was turned...  
  
"What is that noise?" Grandpa stopped his sweeping and SLOWLY turned around...  
  
Just in time to see a throng of birds take flight and head straight...for the door of the Game Shop.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Grandpa's eyes bulged and he turned to run, but it was too late to stop the birds. They swarmed into his store, upsetting stacks of duel monster cards and flinging feathers everywhere. They settled on the newly scrubbed floor and shelves...on the counters...and on Grandpa's head.  
  
_Outside the Game Shop_  
  
"I hope Grandpa's not too angry that I didn't help him clean up the shop today. Oh well, at least this cake I baked in home ec. should make him happy," Yugi smiled at the pink cake proudly. It really was a masterpiece – covered with delicate red roses and frilly yellow ribbons. Yugi had gotten the top grade in the WHOLE class for it.  
  
As he approached the shop, Yugi noticed that something was a bit _off_ about it...perhaps it was the profound silence outside...or the emptiness of the usually bird-filled sky...or the wide open door of the Game Shop...but something was _definitely_ different today.  
  
Yugi quickened his pace and entered the Game Shop at a run...and froze in his tracks.  
  
At first, he couldn't discern anything – feathers filled the air inside the shop, but there was a dark shape lying on the floor in the middle of the room.  
  
"Oh no! Has Grandpa been cleaning out the attic again?" thought Yugi in distress "He knows he shouldn't go up there by himself."  
  
"Grandpa! Where are you? Do you need any help?" He shouted, trying to see through the haze of feathers. But then he realized that those weren't feathers...they were birds! Everywhere, they were covering the shop from top to bottom, and suddenly, Yugi realized exactly what that thing on the floor was.  
  
"Grandpa!!!" He shouted frantically, dropping the pink, now feather-covered cake on the floor and rushing over to Grandpa's side.  
  
"Help me, Yugi" Grandpa said, sounding _exactly _like he did after Pegasus had trapped him in a duel monster card.  
  
"Grandpa! What happened to you? And where's your bandana?" Yugi asked with concern.  
  
"Yugi...there's no time to explain...but you know what to do...believe in yourself. And more importantly, believe in the heart of the nets!" With that, Grandpa fell into a stupor, muttering "The birds...the birds..." over and over...  
  
"The nets? Grandpa? Grandpa?!" Yugi cried in dismay  
  
"Of course! The butterfly nets in the attic!" Yami exclaimed "To the attic, Yugi!"  
  
Yugi rushed up to the attic, grabbed the nets and proceeded to run around the shop, chasing all the birds outside and stepping on Grandpa numerous times in the process.  
  
_20 minutes later_  
  
Finally, all the birds were gone. So was grandpa's bandana.  
  
Yugi sighed with relief and collapsed...right onto the cake...although he didn't realize it.  
  
"Next time, Grandpa, c-l-o-s-e the door" Yugi said, with just a _hint_ of annoyance in his voice.  
  
Grandpa, who was just getting up, nodded his head in agreement and picked up his broom.  
  
"Too bad about my bandana," He sighed, "But don't think it's over! Revenge will be mine!" He cried, waving the broom over his head. "Now, time to clean up, Yugi. Grab a broom!"  
  
Yugi stood up, turned toward the broom closet and saw his cake...or what was left of it.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!!! My beautiful cake! It's ruined! All ruined!" He collapsed to the ground, weeping and tearing at his multicolored hair in despair. "How will I ever become a culinary chef if I destroy my creations?!"  
  
Grandpa glanced at Yugi nervously and quietly crept out of the room, conveniently leaving his broom within easy reach of Yugi.  
  
**THE END  
**  
_Yay! Chapter one of the Grandpa Saga is finished! Join us next time...for more Gran-tastic fun! Warning: this won't go in order or really make any sense! Enjoy! And review..._


	2. The Shopping Trip

_A/N: Here's the 2nd story in the Grandpa Saga: The Shopping Trip. _

_Disclaimer: I neither own nor **want **to own Yu-gi-oh!...just be happy about the story…on we go!

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_

**The Shopping Trip**

It was another beautiful day in the city of Domino. The sun was shining, a warm breeze stirred the air, the birds were chirping merrily in the trees. Grandpa shuddered in terror and turned away from the window.

After leaving Yugi to clean up the mess downstairs the previous night, Grandpa had decided that he would dedicate today to finding a new bandana to replace the one stolen from him by the birds. He was also out of hair gel.

"Time to go to the store," He said, gathering his courage before slowly making his way to the door and cautiously looking outside. Normally, he would have left the shopping to Yugi, but buying a new bandana was just too important a task to entrust to such a young and foolish boy. He'd have to brave the world and all those weird young people himself. And the _birds_…

Grandpa shuddered again and peeked outside once more.

'The coast is clear. Not a bird in sight' He thought to himself. Remembering Yugi's warning, he closed the door behind him and quickly shuffled towards the nearest shopping center, losing a slipper along the way.

'Oh well, I can always buy a new one. I can't risk going back to look for it: those birds are still out there'

Grandpa entered the mall at a run, not realizing that the door opened the _other_ way…

"Owww…" Grandpa moaned and collapsed to the ground in a daze.

_2 hours later_

"Ohh…my head…" Grandpa twitched on the ground, finally recovering from his encounter with the glass door.

"So I was telling Kristi…eww…what is that hideous _thing_ laying in front of the door? Ahhh! It's alive!"

Grandpa stood up, rubbing his head, and looked in the direction of the quickly-disappearing teenage girls.

'What was that about?' He wondered, but then quickly remembered the purpose of his journey: a bandana and hair gel.

After a brief struggle, Grandpa managed to get the door open and finally entered the mall to find himself right in front of a Victoria's Secret store. An inexplicable force drew him toward it until he was plastered against the front window, drooling at the faceless manikins displaying the latest fashion of women's bras and underwear.

"Mmm…these new bras are even more _revealing_ than last season's," Grandpa sighed contentedly. "Too bad I'm banned for life from ever entering a women's lingerie store, after that incident last year…"Grandpa glanced at the Wanted poster with his face on it hanging near the front entrance. "As if it's a crime to ask one of those beautiful young ladies if she needs help trying on the latest in thong underwear!" Grandpa snorted in disdain.

However, Grandpa's reverie was interrupted by the approach of an angry security guard, who pointed at the Wanted poster menacingly.

'Oop, time to go!' Grandpa quickly tottered away toward his favorite beauty salon.

"Now, lets see here, which gel should I get?"

"Excuse me **sir**, do you need some help finding a barber shop?" Asked a young worker, staring pointedly at Grandpa's hair.

"How about **we** find a nice, _romantic_ restaurant instead?" Grandpa asked seductively, winking up at the girl.

Before the horrified girl could respond, an eccentric bespectacled redhead of an indefinite age shoved her out of the way with a cry of joy:

"**_I_**'d **love** to go with _you_, Solomon"

"Uhh…hello Clarissa…maybe some other time, I just remembered that, um…I have to…um…go…um" Grandpa trailed off into silence and looked around helplessly for a way to get out of the mess, "Actually, I need to go buy this bottle of hair gel" He exclaimed gleefully, grabbing the nearest bottle and running to the cash register as fast as his stumpy legs could carry him.

"Are you _sure_? Wait! I could help you pick out a conditioner to go along! Or I could get you and your adorable grandson discounts on highlights!" Clarissa chased after Grandpa, who flung a hundred dollar bill at the cashier and ran out of the salon, shouting "Keep the change!" over his shoulder.

_At the other end of the mall_

"I think I've finally lost her" Grandpa sighed, looking cautiously around for Clarissa, but instead noticing that he was right next to 'Handkerchief's and Beyond', of which he was the sole male patron.

"A perfect place to find a new bandana!" He exclaimed before rushing…straight into a glass door.

"Not again…"He moaned.

_1 hour later_

"I'm developing resistance!" Grandpa said gleefully after recovering from the impact, "Only one hour this time!"

Inside the store, Grandpa noticed that there were only two other customers.

"Hmm…must be a slow day" He said to the assistant who came forward to help him.

"Actually, this is the best we've had all month!" The assistant quipped cheerfully. "Now, what can I do for you, my good man?"

'Finally, a normal young person' Grandpa though to himself, noting the assistant's hot pink bandana and purple overalls. "Yes, I'm looking for a bandana…an **orange** one" He clarified.

"Orange…hmm…I think we might have one in stock…but it's reserved for a crazy old man who comes in every year and," the assistant paused and glanced at Grandpa in realization, "_Oh wait_…never mind, I'll go get it." The assistant left quickly.

'What a nice young man, so helpful!' Grandpa thought happily, 'they play such nice music, too' He said, bobbing his head in time with the corny elevator music.

"Ohhh! That one's **_perfect_**!" He exclaimed upon seeing the assistant return with an orange bandana identical to the one he had lost.

Grandpa paid for the bandana and skipped merrily out of the mall. Outside, he ripped off the price tag and packaging and hungrily affixed the bandana around his head.

"My _precious_…"he purred contentedly, "Don't ever leave me again…And to make sure we're together forever, I'll just do this" He said, dripping superglue on the inside of his bandana. "There we go! Now no **nasty birdses **will ever take you away from me!"

Grandpa skipped home, feeling like he was on top of the world. Just as he reached the Game Shop, he remembered that he needed new slippers.

"Oh well, I've still got these" He said, lifting up a pair of Yugi's boots and pulling them on, "They make me feel so young! And so tall…Hello handsome" He said to his image, twirling before the mirror. "Now, to call up that hot friend of Yugi's: Mai!"

THE END

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_Hope you enjoyed that. Thanks for reviewing! Yes, Grandpa is a pervert, isn't he? Next time: the date? I hope not…shudders_


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